(August 21st 2015)
Ooooh boy my pitch did not go well.
Apparently this was their least favourite of all the times I’ve pestered them (which is currently).
Basically I tried to make this pitch a bit more comedy based whilst still having the main character show different emotional responses that builds up to a big climax. That was the intention. The result?
Story structure was non existent, it was basically just one fight scene where the challenges don’t escalate or vary. Aforementioned fight scene is also broken up by a dream sequence that also doesn’t really go anywhere.
Main character is also way too chevalier which would make it difficult to take any threat presented seriously, or more to the point with any interest. He doesn’t seem emotionally connected to anything so neither is the audience (to him). His motivations for wanting to save people is unclear.
I feel I should mention this isn’t a word for word transcript of what they said, the Cartoon Hangover guys were very diplomatic when telling me that my writing is bad and that I should feel bad.
In conclusion first order of business for next pitch is getting the main character down. I’m gonna do the Dan Harmon nucleus thing, I’m not gonna let myself think about any aspect of the story until I get a leading man that I like and am more or less 100% happy with, then I’m gonna try and get a story out of exposing him to different stuff that follows some semblance of a 3 act structure.
Your music is bad and you should feel bad.
Made by Sean
... and subsequently butchered by Me.